Tayia Evans exudes a quiet, powerful energy. It's visible to those around her but, perhaps, not yet fully apparent to herself.
Compliments and words of affirmation seem to take the 2023 Poudre Community Academy graduate by sincere surprise. Her humility acts almost as a shield against what the world sees: a strong, compassionate young woman who has overcome more by senior year than many do in a lifetime.
“I spent my life holding my hands in tight fists, afraid of what it would mean to hold them open, but now … with my hands held open I hold dreams, I hold goals, I hold hope and new beginnings,” Evans told a sold-out crowd at The Center for Family Outreach’s spring benefit.
I am living proof that even caged birds can learn to fly and I will make mistakes, but I will never be caged again.”
Heads shook in wonder and hands clapped with exuberance to show appreciation for the 18-year-old's story about her mental health. It’s one, she said, that begins in February 2020.
Evans and her great-grandmother, Leilani Pacheco, “clicked together perfectly.” Then the woman she loved like a mother died from health issues on Feb. 12, 2020. That loss – the first of Evans’ life – affected her in ways she didn’t understand.
She skipped school and had Fs in every class. Drugs and alcohol numbed her mind, and risky behaviors became the norm as she attempted to abandon all emotion.
“At the time, I had no consideration for my future because I had not planned to have one,” she said, which led to a suicide attempt in October 2020. Things went from bad to worse, when the “hurt became deep and dark, like depression had embedded into my core.”
“It felt inescapable, unsolvable – I felt like a caged bird. Restricted, incapable and ashamed of the space my body took up.”
No matter how lost she became in the “sea of negativity,” Evans always had “one graceful gift,” her two brothers, her best friends: Lorenzo Madril and Marcus Hernandez. “They kept me alive for years.”
Halfway through her junior year, Evans felt forced to make a positive change in her life. She moved schools and tried to improve the things she could. Then, two months after transferring to Poudre Community Academy, her younger brother, Hernandez, was shot and killed in Colorado Springs. It was Jan. 9, 2022. He was 13.
Wanting either to be in control of her own self-destruction or refusing to acknowledge the parts of herself that needed healing, Evans escaped through substances, abandoned responsibilities, and stopped eating.
“To this day, I have a hard time piecing together memories of 2022 or even of the years before. His death made me a ghost in my own life.”
Fast forward to Evans wearing handcuffs in the back of a police car, staring at her irritated wrists. Hope lost and ready to embrace the cards she had dealt herself, Evans didn’t know then that getting arrested would be “one of the best things that’s ever happened.”
“It led me to the center, to Laurie,” Evans said, pausing briefly during her speech to motion gratefully to the woman by her side. That woman, known by many, was Laurie Klith, executive director of The Center for Family Outreach.
The center is a nonprofit agency serving youth, ages 10-18, through substance-use counseling and therapy; mental health and wellbeing counseling; family education; and more. “We strive to restore hope and provide opportunities as we strengthen and inspire the youth of Larimer County and their families,” the center’s website says.
People in Larimer County and beyond are facing a mental health crisis, Klith said, with more children and teenagers reporting feelings of hopelessness, engaging in self-harm and risky behaviors, and thinking about or attempting suicide. Some abuse substances as a means of treating their underlying pain, anxiety or depression. Regardless of the path that got them there, students like Evans are grateful for what came out of their journey.
Klith offered to get ice cream and spoke to her like a human being. She listened while Evans talked about things that were left unsaid for so long. And Evans connected with other kids “who ignited a sympathy in me I didn’t know I had.”
“Perhaps, to outsiders, we were troubled and misbehaved, complicated and difficult. But in the center, where our voices were heard – where they mattered --, we were all just kids fighting secret wars and waiting to be heard.” Feeling cared about and for, Evans got the gifts of motivation, hope, inspiration and, most importantly, of being seen, heard and understood.
Today, Evans has been sober for one year. She is a 2023 Poudre Community Academy graduate and has been taking courses in philosophy and English composition at Front Range Community College. She’s already on the college’s dean’s list for academic performance and will continue studying at FRCC this fall. In between school, she loves being outside on rainy days and spending time with those she cares about.
Always fascinated by human behavior and the mind, and an avid reader and researcher, she wants to work toward paying off the gifts she received – those that saved her life. That may include working in early intervention to help young people fighting their own silent battles.
“It’s important to know that there are people out there who want to help you – people who care. Asking for help, or needing help, does not make you weak; it makes you strong,” she said in days following her speech.
It takes courage to acknowledge parts of yourself that require healing. It takes time, so be patient and kind to yourself.”